I Want A Refund

I went to the dermatologist yesterday--you know, because both my grandmothers and my father all had malignant melanoma. What a total waste of time.

My old doctor would ask me if I had concerns about any specific moles (I hate talking about moles--it's gross. But this story has to be told.) and he would then look at all of my moles. Which makes sense, because if I could pick out the cancerous ones, I might as well treat myself from home and forget the dermatologist.

I told this doctor about my family history of skin cancer, and her response was, "Well, you wear sunscreen, don't you?" Then I tried to show her some particular moles of concern (she didn't even look at all of them), and she said, again, "Well, don't you wear sunscreen? Really, unless a mole changes over the course of a month, it's not going to be a concern." Oh, really? So, the only time I should be concerned is if I have a mole on my body that changes as much as a developing fetus? That's a good rule of thumb, except for the fact that the mole they cut off my dad that turned out to be cancer wasn't one they were really concerned about. And the one I had taken off that was possibly cancer, possibly not, was only taken off because I thought it was gross.

She closed up the interview with a "just make sure to wear your sunscreen". Annoyed, I decided to at least try to get something out of the appointment, so I asked her if she knew about the really great sunscreen they just came out with that my old dermatologist recommended. She just looked at me blankly, and then, desperate for some kind of prize to take home, I said, "Can you recommend any daily moisturizer with sunscreen in it? My old one just made my face oily and gross." She then launched into this statement of physical barriers and chemical barriers, and if my skin was too sensitive, I should stay away from the chemical barriers and try a physical barrier. Excuse me, did you just assume I have sensitive skin? Because I don't. And, did you just recommend I wipe zinc oxide all over my nose every morning, like the lifeguards used to do? Yeah, she did.

I want my thirty dollars back, and I am going to call my insurance company and file a formal complaint. She didn't even look at my moles! Why, when medical school is so hard to get into, is it hard to find a good doctor?